Home Internet At Last
I hardly know where to begin. I've let the blog slide for nearly a year, but I finally bought a home computer and internet access. It's pretty thrilling.
My aunt died last summer, and I dropped most of my usual activities.
I didn't take my camping trip last summer. I went to Hawaii by myself instead and visited my old friend Charlotte. I figured that since I planned to buy a condo, I'd take a rather expensive vacation while I could still afford it. We went to the Big Island, saw Kilauea erupting at night, played on a black sand beach while staying 15 feet away from the sea turtle, hiked in a caldera, and visited the Ka'u desert. On Oahu I spent a day at the Bishop Museum, saw Halona Cove and Sandy Beach, circumnavigated the island, ate a magnificent meal with Charlotte's parents, and played with Charlotte's cat so much that the cat and I were both bummed out after I left.
Char and I went snorkeling in Hanauma Bay twice. It was one of the most fascinating experiences I ever had. I loved having my head underwater and still being able to breathe, and watching the fish. I loved seeing a sea turtle. There were these crazy deepwater fish that kept coming after all the humans to scare us, and they were grinning. I'd never seen a fish grin before. I loved wearing prescription goggles so, for the first time since I was very little, I could see clearly while swimming. It was incredible.
When I returned to Iowa, I devoted myself to my house hunt, and in December I closed on a small condo. I now have a bathtub, a big garage, a washer/dryer, and an office that's separate from my bedroom: just what I always wanted. I'm relaxing and feeling more like myself, although I still get very uptight rather often. After all that time not finishing my Ph.D., then not being able to get hired for anything but part-time jobs, and unsuccessful dating,... It's been tough for me to not feel like I have to struggle all the time, but instead to relax and enjoy myself.
I'm trying to accept that things are okay and will be okay, and there's no wolf at my door.
My aunt died last summer, and I dropped most of my usual activities.
I didn't take my camping trip last summer. I went to Hawaii by myself instead and visited my old friend Charlotte. I figured that since I planned to buy a condo, I'd take a rather expensive vacation while I could still afford it. We went to the Big Island, saw Kilauea erupting at night, played on a black sand beach while staying 15 feet away from the sea turtle, hiked in a caldera, and visited the Ka'u desert. On Oahu I spent a day at the Bishop Museum, saw Halona Cove and Sandy Beach, circumnavigated the island, ate a magnificent meal with Charlotte's parents, and played with Charlotte's cat so much that the cat and I were both bummed out after I left.
Char and I went snorkeling in Hanauma Bay twice. It was one of the most fascinating experiences I ever had. I loved having my head underwater and still being able to breathe, and watching the fish. I loved seeing a sea turtle. There were these crazy deepwater fish that kept coming after all the humans to scare us, and they were grinning. I'd never seen a fish grin before. I loved wearing prescription goggles so, for the first time since I was very little, I could see clearly while swimming. It was incredible.
When I returned to Iowa, I devoted myself to my house hunt, and in December I closed on a small condo. I now have a bathtub, a big garage, a washer/dryer, and an office that's separate from my bedroom: just what I always wanted. I'm relaxing and feeling more like myself, although I still get very uptight rather often. After all that time not finishing my Ph.D., then not being able to get hired for anything but part-time jobs, and unsuccessful dating,... It's been tough for me to not feel like I have to struggle all the time, but instead to relax and enjoy myself.
I'm trying to accept that things are okay and will be okay, and there's no wolf at my door.
Labels: self
posted by Margo at 4:20 PM
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